As young men raised by our mothers, most of us have had to suffer from mental or physical violence, and this is especially sensitive at the age when we, as boys, were just learning to trust life. Punishments and reproaches from our dearest woman – our own mother have left deep wounds in our inner child’s psyche, which now manifests in adulthood as unconscious fears and mistrust of women.

For a child, a mother’s love is a matter of life and death. A mother feeds her baby with breast milk, which is a physical expression of her love. Thus, the child is in a dependent relationship with his mother. The child’s unconscious need is to please the mother. When a mother expresses anger or punishes her child, it makes the child feel as if the whole world is against him. Especially if there is no father around to support him at that moment.

Added to this is the manipulation of the child through feelings of guilt, shame, or fear. These, in turn, further deepen the boy’s insecurity and powerlessness in front of women. Further on, the shaping of the boy by female educators and teachers, who further reinforce this lack of power, continues. Any attempt to fight back is suppressed by punishment and shaming.

A young man who has undergone such an upbringing is strongly influenced by the moods of women. Every time his bride or partner is upset, cries, or complains, it has a devastating effect on the young man. His inner child “presses the panic button”. A young man may react differently to this. He either freezes and locks up, runs away and goes out, fights back by blaming the other for her emotions, or tries to ignore the situation by immersing himself in his projects, television, or addictions. Of course, such a reaction does not help the girl who wanted attention, and the problem rather worsens.

Some girls take advantage of this man’s weakness to get their way. This is done either consciously or unconsciously. Shedding a few tears can quickly sway a man’s opinion in her favor. Often, men are powerless against women’s moods, and this in turn drives them crazy. The result is fights and disagreements, in the worst case, divorce.

It is possible to improve this situation and, with good will, heal yourself or your partner. The first step to this is recognition. Often we ourselves do not know the reasons for our behaviour and therefore we react automatically to situations. When we become aware of the possible cause of the reaction, we can work on healing it.

Photo from the movie Wolf of Wallstreet

The next time a change in your loved one’s mood triggers an unpleasant reaction in you, instead of reacting to it, turn your attention inward and observe. Where does this feeling come from and how does it make you feel? Admit to yourself that you too may have a pattern left over from childhood where you were afraid to upset your mother. Comfort your inner child and allow that fear to dissolve in your heart. You can also share your experience with your lover. If your wife is mature enough, she can help you in this by sharing pure unconditional love with you. The energy of love is the best healer for such soul wounds.

In our society, we have great fears and opposition between the sexes on a collective level. Every time we organize a Tantra Festival with our team, we collectively clear this karma between the layers of society. However, each couple can do this independently by understanding each other’s wounds and using the unlimited energy of love to heal them. If it doesn’t work out on your own, you can always turn to me or Bella to work together to resolve these childhood patterns and start living a fulfilling life. I help men achieve their full potential in life by letting go of all of these patterns that do not serve them any longer. It’s a path of self-development and healthy relationships. Talk to me about your personal problem: igor@learn2touch.com

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